Since coming back to work on the 28th of December 2009 I have known this week was coming…back story…At work I am an instructor for military members on (basically) how to plan.  I love this part of my job.  It reminds me of my teaching days (which seem like EONS ago) and I learn so much each time.  This will be my 14th time teaching the class, however this time is different.  We are going to Germany to teach this class….

I never in my wildest dreams ever thought I would say this, but I do not want to travel with my job right now.  In the past I LOVED traveling and getting on the road.  I got to see new places, eat new foods, blah blah blah, it was great.  However this trip is for 20 days!!!  I am already teary-eyed at night snuggling Mason, before he goes to bed, just thinking that I will miss 20 nights of his life.  GAH! 

I try to put this trip in perspective and realize our military members must pack up and leave their children all-the-time.  Understanding how they feel, makes me appreciate them even more.  Guys at work tell me stories about how they missed the first 8 months of their child’s life.  That makes my heart-break.  I am not ready to leave Mason. 

The last time I was in Germany I was 5 months pregnant with him, feeling his first flutters in my womb.  I still remember those feelings.  He moved for the first time during a planning session….like what we are going to be teaching how to do…which made me smile thinking maybe Mason likes planning as much as momma does….GEEEEEEEKK!  It is now so much different knowing he will be at home in the wonderful care of his Daddy (who really is the greatest) and all will be well, but…what if he forgets me, won’t nurse when I get back,  takes his first steps, says his real first word, gets sick, a boo-boo…the list goes on-and-on.  I don’t want to feel like this at all, I don’t want to go!

A funny side story…knowing this trip is coming up, I have stockpiled breast milk in the kegerator/freezer out back.  The freezer is FULL!  This past saturday I went out to put my latest deposit in the milk-bank and noticed the engine on the frig wasn’t working.  I checked all the milk – all still frozen and screamed “JOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  THE FREEZER ISN’T WORKING, SAVE THE MILK!!!!!!”  I had a ton of food I made for him as well, but that didn’t rank as high as the milk.  Oh my goodness, once I shot up that red-star-cluster for help, Josh hopped into action and we did indeed save the gallons of milk, but goodness it took me a while to calm down after that.  It is hard work to pump all that, AND I want him to have a little bit of me (is that weird???) while I am gone!

At the end of the week I will be on a plane headed to the fatherland without my family.  Even though it will be with a great group of guys….I can’t wait for it to start so I can just get it over with.