Mason is something else, I tell you.  I can’t believe the difference between 2 years and 2 1/2 years.  These last six months have been wild with lots of changes, primarily with the introduction of Owen who was born a short 3 weeeks after Mason’s second birthday. 

I remember the emotions I had when I found out I was pregnant with Owen were mixed ones.  I was thrilled to be having another child for Mason to grow up with, but I was also scared and sad that Mason would have to share me with something else.  From the first time I laid eyes on Mason he has been my sunshine; how in the world was I going to manage to keep up that love and devotion with another baby, and how in the world could I love another child as much as I do Mason?

Over the course of the 9 month pregnancy, I made the most of every minute, fearing he would feel rejected when the new one arrived.  I contemplated not nursing Owen just to be able to have more time with Mason.  For Mason, the transition to big brotherhood wasn’t easy.  I remember when he came to visit me and Owen in the hospital, he didn’t really want to get to close and Josh had to put him on the bed with me.  I was certain this was going to be our reality for the next 18 years.  I felt rejected and conflicted. 

As the first month of Owen’s life sped by, Mason would pull on me for attention or to play right when Owen would need to eat, it would seem.  Half of my postpartum tears were guilt from not giving Mason all the time I once had for him.  However, it slowly started improving.  Owen started to show his personality through his smiles and kicks of excitement.  Mason picked up on that right away.  What seemed like an eternity for me emotionally was a flip-of-the-switch for Mason.

Now Mason and Owen are in love with one another.  No one can make Owen smile like Mason and Mason is extremely protective of his Owen.  I explain the joy I feel from seeing them play together, even though it is limited with Owen only being 5 months old today.  These two boys are perfect!

Mason is still my silly, smart, and adorable boy.  He is spontaneous and surprises me with his wit.  His imagination in full operation and I love playing Thomas the Train with him as we scoot our trains to the imaginary Steamworks under our dining room table.  Every flower he sees, dandelions and all, he goes over to smell them and tells them they are “So beautiful”!  Every puddle must be splashed, every rock is his pirate treasure, and every worm tickles his hands.  He continues to be my sunshine, it just so happens he shines on us all and I don’t mind sharing.

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Lately I have been feeling much like Meredith Grey, a completely fictional TV character from a typical TV drama that I must admit I religiously watch.  Meredith is a successful surgeon with great friends and again (FINALLY – Maybe) a great man in her life.  Meredith is constantly wishy-washy on her commitment to her man, Dr. Shepherd / McDreamy. 

How could a newly married woman be wishy-washy about her husband?  Well I am not!  Josh rocks!  He cooks, cleans, fixes cars, builds decks, renovates our house, is a great father, loves me and he is funny to boot! 

What I am feeling wishy-washy about is not my McDreamy, it is my McBaby!  About a month ago I was dead-set on getting preggers ASAP!  Like it couldn’t come soon enough.  I would walk through Target and just meander through the baby aisles just to see what I like, in case I needed to start decorating a nursery.  I was totally STOKED! 

Then a career opportunity has arisen.  It really isn’t a new job, just a promotion and seemingly more responsibility.  I am totally down with that, and can definitely juggle more projects in my work schedule.  What freaks me out is if the leadership I work with will think less of me, hold it against me, not afford me the same opportunity as a mother than a childless woman. 

My dear friend Heather balances this role quite well, and I am totally impressed.  I often wonder if my own fear of being either a total waste at work, a horrible mother, or worst of all BOTH, is holding me back. 

So here I am feeling stuck – McBaby + McCareer = Who KNOWS!  I hate not being able to tell the future to see if I completely succeed or fail.  I know I have the support of Josh and he is my #1, but being a working mother is like HUGE changes. 

So if you see me lighting a bunch of candles and placing them on a floor somewhere in the shape of a crib and changing table, you can be certain that I am still wishy-washy on my McBaby.  Either way, I am going for the McCareer.

I haven’t been ignoring you, I promise! 

In 2 days I will be getting married, and hopefully having the BEST beach BBQ reception afterwards.

Everything has been going so smoothly, though there is a lot to do, nothing has presented itself as even a minor hiccup.  The food is purchased, the alcohol is on order, guests list has been faxed in, You know the major stuff that actually makes people happy when they come to a wedding reception. 

Regardless of all this “smooth-sailing” talk, God was dangling me and Josh in the balance yesterday morning, say around 5 am.  Josh and I were getting ready for work, I blew-off my morning run, because I am trying to get as many hours in the office as possible before I head off for a week after the wedding.  Anywho….Josh gets downstairs and seemingly out the door before me, until I hear his somewhat frantic voice at the bottom of the stairs “Anne!!!!!  the hot water heater exploded”.  I laughed, thinking “Yea right, we just had that P.O.S. worked on in February.”  What didn’t immediately stick in my head is that it actually is a huge P.O.S. – so much so, in the winter we have to cut off the heat in the house to get a luke warm shower.  So I throw on my 3rd shirt choice for the day and run downstairs to see what the hell is really going on?

Indeed, Old Faithful somehow picked up from Yellowstone and moved into Josh and my garage early that morning.  We were so lucky it was in the garage and not on the second floor or interior of our house, especially since 13 people are about to embark upon our home TODAY! 

We get all the water cut off from the heater and empty it out, then change into “work clothes” and run to Home Depot for a new hot water heater, scheduled their technician to replace the old one and came back home to get ready for me to go to work and Josh to stay home with maintenance guy. 

I head off to work a couple of hours late, my boss is great, very understanding, and get settled in.  All my guys who work around me come to check on me and all seems great.

Not really!!  The installation dude from Home Depot gets to the house and lets Josh know we have the WRONG hot water heater – we need the more complicated machine that will hook up to our heating system.  He also tells us the hot water heater that exploded was the wrong one as well.  Great! 

My dearest fiancee’ calls around and finally gets in touch with a great plumber who came right over, knew exactly what our problem was and hooked us up, literally, with the Apollo Hot Water Heater (over a thousand dollars later) This morning my shower was a hot one and the garage was dry, just in time for the family to start rolling in this evening.

In all of this, Josh and I agreed this is the Lord’s work of keeping us grounded and showing how great we really do work together.  Josh is an amazing guy, patient, strong and loving.  If it wasn’t for him I would have been tearing down buildings in Chesapeake in true Bridezilla fashion.

Another part of my job is to train military personnel on a quarterly basis, what I would do as Political Military Planner, and how I would become and active member of their planning process.  Every quarter we get a new group of students with various levels of experience and a myriad of personalities.  You can always count on

 1.  at least one spring-butt, who has a comment on everything (know-it-alls)

2.  at least one who asks questions to sound smart (know-it-all dumbasses)

3.  at least one who asks questions to sound smart, who end up looking stupid because it was covered in a previous lesson or in the reading (know-it-all major dumbasses)

4.  at least the rest of the group who want 1-3 to shut the hell up (ah the huddled mass)

This class is no different.  I teach 2 lessons and get everyone involved in somewhat of an academic conversation.  It can be fun. 

I just finished giving my second lesson and it was unusually fun because the 1-3 people, were in so many words told to shut the hell up, by the other students.  As the teacher it was quite a struggle to keep the shit-eating grin off my face, I didn’t, I failed at that. 

In any level of one’s education, we all experience that lesson.  Not what knowledge the teacher, professor, facilitator is trying to drop on you, but how to enjoy influence of the group.  It is great to see the system working at all levels of life.  And it works!

In the end, my students walked away with a greater understanding about US Government, NGOs, IO operations in Ethiopia and the security to know they can get away with putting a 1-3 person back in line. 

School is in session. 

*Deep-Breath*, I am making this out to be much bigger than it probably is or ever will be, however!!!, I am really excited.  I launched The Bored Seamstress, on etsy a couple of days ago.  I am making the small baby steps towards Full Operating Capability (FOC).  I plan on producing such things like:

Aprons


 

PJs – Two Designs (one elastic, one drawstring)

  

 

And Bags!

In addition, I will provide only quality products from quality fabrics from my favorite designers like – Amy Butler (DUH), Joel Dewberry, Robert Kaufman, Michael Miller and Alexander Henry…and I am sure I will find others. 

I have designed my fabric tag and it is currently being produced, by a fellow “Etsy’ier” BellaMental, and hope to be sewing them in as soon as they arrive! Here it is!  The Bored Seamstress

I have only posted a couple of yards of fabric online so far.  No finished items, but that will soon change upon achieving FOC.  I will post on the blog what I have listed on Etsy and what I have finished. 

I can’t wait to see where this goes!